The trip was great, for those of you wondering. We fished most of the time as we were on a lake and there wasn’t much else to do. I actually enjoyed it, which surprised me. I hated keeping the fish and, at risk of sounding wimpy, wanted to throw them all back, but unfortunately that was pretty much it for what we had to eat for dinner each night.

Fried fish.

Sure it’s great once in a while, but my grandmother made us eat it every night. When I complained I was shocked to hear, “Well, with all that junk food you’ve been shoveling down I’m sure a few nights of healthy fish will do you good.” One, I hadn’t been eating hardly anything because she got bitchy when I did eat, Two: Soaking fish in grease and Crisco is not healthy. She continued to push the matter and I didn’t hear the end of it until I was safely back in my own house. She’s always been a bit nutty though, so I was expecting it.

How was everyone these past few weeks? Because it’s midnight now, I think I’ll get ready to go to sleep.

I went with my mom and grandmother (both really are not fun to shop with ) and we were at the shops for about four hours buying food. While they were getting food, I went around WalMart looking at magazines, books, and electronics. I glanced at the music and was greeted by Miley Cyrus’s new CD on just about every shelf. It took forever to find the rock, as they apparently classify her as such. Along with her was, surprise, Justin Bieber. What is the world coming to?

I turned the corner and came face-to-face with Hannah Montana on a balloon. Making my way to the book section, I found a big rack with clearance Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus and Twilight jewelery and nailpolish. I understand, though. They probably want to get rid of her. I don’t understand the nail polish. Nobody’s gonna know the pink shit on your nails is Hannah Montana unless you shove the bottle in their faces. Distracted by a very nice set of pens that are now on my desk, I almost ran into a Team Jacob poster stand.

Unfortunately, all WalMart had in stock was about vampires and romance. They also had several copies of a book by —shock!— Miley Cyrus. You know, some kids can actually write well and they’ll never get published, because publishers have wasted their time with that.

WalMart and Disney must be in cahoots on their plan to overtake the world.

I never feel like I can just flat-out say no to someone without a reason. Usually if I just don’t feel like hanging out (I usually do, though. I’ve been quite lonely lately.) I’ll make up an excuse. My mom’s making me clean, I have to watch my brother. Both of those are almost always true, but I probably could bend those particular rules if I asked. I just don’t want to ask sometimes.

I need alone time. I like being around friends and family, but I like to be by myself more. I can relax, I don’t feel like I have to dress up or do anything I don’t want to do. Usually I listen to music and waste time. Another thing I like to do is play my guitar, even though I suck, which my brother points out every time I play. I draw, I paint, I watch TV and play Wii Fit. I take pictures. Of everything.

We’ve started packing food and buying supplies for our trip. I won’t have WiFi or phone service, so I probably won’t be able to get in touch after Saturday. If I do get a chance to talk Saturday, it’ll be on Twitter at a McDonalds.

What do you do in your spare time? Do you prefer to spend it alone or with friends?

One thing that really annoys me is when tv people think they can switch out or ditch a character and nobody will care or notice. Like it’s still better. My two year-old cousin knew when Steve from Blues Clues was fired or quit, because the new guy… Joe… showed up. “I want to watch the real Blues Clues.

They’ve also done this with adult shows. I watched the first and second Miss Congeniality (heh, totally unlike me :S ) and was appalled by the second one. The guy, who seemed great, wasn’t cast in the second film and they just had him break up with the main girl over the phone. Totally out of character, in my opinion. I guess I know you can’t stop filming just because you can’t get one less important person to come back, though.

What’s something about Hollywood and films that annoys you? Is it that everyone’s always picture perfect and looks as though they’re on the verge of dying from starvation? The fake voices? The rich and famous acting like brats? I’d have to say it’s all of that plus people dropping everything to cater to their ridiculous needs. Although if Gerard Way, Haley Williams and a small group of others showed up I might be jumping up and down in my room. But they’d never see that, so I think we’re good. Have you met anyone famous? What were they like? Whoa, questions. I promise I have a few updates and a new layout for the portfolio and this site on the way!

My cousin came over yesterday (she’s ten) and asked me to do her hair for her. I wasn’t doing anything, so I told her I would. I wet it down, blow-dried, and straightened it. I also showed her how to do it so the side-bangs worked with her cowlick. When it was done, it looked really good. She told me her sister always got angry when she was asked to do Natalie’s hair. Then she hugged me and said thank you, and the rest of the night proceeded to smile and look at her hair in the mirror.

It really makes me happy to know that I’m appreciated, even if it’s just for something as little as doing someone’s hair, buying them a gift, or helping them to dye their troll doll’s hair pink. It makes me feel like I’m needed. Whenever I think about Natalie and her sister, who’s pretty horrible to Natalie, I get a really good feeling. And it’s these moments that make it so I never can truly believe nobody would miss me if I were gone.

On another note, one of my old friends who lives down the road came riding past my house today on her bike with her dad. I’ve always been convinced her dad didn’t like me and it may have been part of the reason she stopped talking to me years ago, but today I think he was outright rude. When they rode by, they both looked over and I waved. I saw him give me a look like, “yeah, right” and look the other way. I was just like WTF? It may be just that he’s pissed about getting divorced from his wife, who’s always been really nice to me, even now that I’m not friends with her daughter.

If people were a little more accepting of others, maybe we’d be a happier world. There wouldn’t be segregation, wars, or terrorism. Maybe if we would all just go out of our way to act nice to a few other people it would be possible. But I guess not everyone would go for that idea. It’s not always a good thing to be too headstrong.

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A crack of thunder, a quick flash as lightning strikes.

Quick-moving human legs, panting dog, wary cats, all rush to the door. The porch roof shields as they make their way inside. Rain, just a drop at first. Takes only a second to build up strength and soak all it’s slippery hands touch.

It slows, comes to a pattering, thunder growling, in the distance. The wind howls and throws the leaves on the branches. They watch as the rain slowly settles to a slight sprinkling of water, and finally, to a stop. All returns back to the norm.

I’ve never really minded rain. In fact, I find it soothing. I don’t enjoy walking around in it, it’s uncomfortable for me, but the sounds, the atmosphere. You can smell it coming. Rain has that smell. I love how when it rains, it seems really gloomy. When it stops, it’s like the world recovers and becomes cheery again.

When I picture a kidnapping or murder, it’s usually dark, or rainy. It seems people usually associate foul things with weather that’s considered to be foul. But in reality, death and horrible things happen everyday. Tons of people die every day, all around the world. There’s always a tragedy taking place, there’s always the one who didn’t make it. People, including myself, take their lives for granted. Everything is the end of the world… you have to do chores, you didn’t get the shoes you wanted. But think of it this way. You’re healthy, you’re alive, and you probably have people who care about you. Whenever you think you’re not strong enough to go on, think of who it would affect if you were to die today.

Someone would notice your absence, even if you don’t know it yet.

It really started when at my birthday party, the last one I had, my then best friend mocked me, in front of all my friends, about my breasts. Not many of my age friends had boobs, but I did, unfortunately. She pointed out how big they were, and how they made me look kind of fat. I didn’t say anything. She was my best friend. She was only kidding, and I didn’t have anyone else to call a best friend at that point. RIght?

After that we grew apart. She did more in front of people to make me look bad, and her better. She started not talking to me and I had no desire to speak to her. There was no big fight, we just kind of… stopped. So in the next three years I wanted to cover up my big boobs, so I wore baggier clothing and slouched. This, my mother told me, only brought more attention to it. And it did.

Aside from my friends, nobody teased me about it because I’m much taller than most girls and some boys and could probably beat them up with little effort if I tried. In the past year, I have started to wear clothes that make my body look good. I no longer wear baggy shirts, I avoid them. I’ve lost a bit of weight (20 pounds about) in the last few months and I feel so much better. It’s not about just looks. I’m afraid of health problems. I don’t want someone in the future to tell me I have a health problem because I didn’t do something to keep fit in my teenage years.

Yesterday three people really made me feel beautiful, and I haven’t felt beautiful, really, ever. I hope they know how much they made my day.

And Savannah, I’m glad I look nothing like you.

I hate when girls are obnoxious. I really, really, really dislike screaming and avoid it at all costs. For a long time when I was younger I had horrible nightmares that I couldn’t actually scream because I hadn’t for as far back as I could remember. I get really annoyed when girls are splashing around in pools and getting chlorinated water in the food, especially when there’s nowhere else to sit at, which is what happened to my friend today. Girls can get really stupid, and it’s not always just them really being unintelligent, it’s fake stupid because they want attention.

I absolutely cannot stand it when my cousin (who wears, usually, as little clothes as possible, walking around in a bikini until she gets “cold”) whines about how a guy was staring at her and her friends at the beach. I’m sorry, but if you’re walking around looking like a whore, you’re basically asking to be stared at by hormonal teenaged boys and older guys, too! And we all know you like this attention, because you know it’s the no-clothes-game that gets this attention. Some of my guy friends get really uncomfortable around them because they wear really low-cut and revealing clothes.

And then you’re bouncing around, splashing each other, and trying to look sexy. Obviously, obviously, you’re asking for that kind of attention, and the only reason you whine about it is for more attention. Get a life.

Respect yourself, respect your body, and protect your dignity, because fifteen years from now you’re going to wish someone had stopped you going down this path sooner. You’re going to wish someone cared enough about you to risk losing the friendship so you don’t get hurt.

Yesterday I went to a Fourth of July parade with my parents, grandparents, and cousins. My little cousin, Natalie, who’s ten now, stayed with us afterwords to get lunch and play some games at a little festival type deal. Along with a stand selling band posters that I would have bought had it not been for the fact that I only had four dollars with me , there was a stand selling pull tab raffle tickets. These are my absolute favorite waste of money

Basically, you give the shady looking guy behind the booth a dollar and he gives you this cardboard card… thing. On the back, it shows you different images of “three in a row” things (fruits, squares, etc.) and on the front there are little pull tabs. If you get one of the three in a row you cash it in for either more cards or money. I’m really unlucky so I blew six dollars on those and got four dollars of prizes which I used to get more cards I don’t have a history of winning anything from those things.

After I blew that cash, we made our way past a little stage where a band was setting up to entertain the crowds to another game. It was like a gameshow, you signed up (free, but there was a donation box for cancer that we gave to) and got a name tag, a ticket, and an “X” on your hand. If your name was chosen from the bucket, you went up with four or five other people and had to guess at something to see who would move to the final round. During the final round, you played one of many games where you had the chance to win a ton of cash, or a prize. One kid walked away with a huge flatscreen tv and a bunch of CDs and DVDs. Another got iPod wireless home speakers and a 25 dollar iTunes giftcard. Which I was really jealous of because that’s just how mature I am.

After watching other people play and hoping to be called, my mom and Natalie were called up. After a very intense game, where the question was something about when a waterpark was constructed, she won a HUGE, 450 dollar waterslide. She set it up at about eleven thirty last night and so far is liking her winnings. Have you guys ever won anything like that? Are you a bad gambler?

When you’re biking, it’s just you and the bike against the pavement. And any other natural elements that come along. I usually stick my headphones in my ears and set it to one of my favorite playlists, which is my idea of a good day. :nod:Although this recently didn’t work out so great.

One of my headphones fell out of my ear as I was going up a fairly steep hill. I figured that because the other was still in that I would get up the hill and then just put the headphone back in. Stopping halfway up a steep hill is never a good idea. About 3/4 of the way up the hill I heard this weird noise, kind of a screeching, ticking noise, and looked down to see the white chord being sucked into my tires.

I stopped and looked behind me to see two stretched out pieces of headphone wires on the pavement, covered in dirt. Lovely.

Anyone else have weird sport stories? What’s your pet peeve?

~Jess

Speaking of mosquitos, I just walked in from hunting. No, not with a gun or bow. I was hunting night crawlers. This is something I haven’t done since I was eight, and when my brother burst in the door rambling about a night crawler contest I was a bit skeptical. I mean, the thought of tearing a ton of little (little meaning huge) worms out of their holes didn’t seem like a great way to end the night.

I finally gave in and the four of us grabbed some LED flashlights and broke into two teams. The first crawler I came to was fairly large and had pulled himself out of the soil. I grabbed him in the center, but he managed to squeeze through my fingers just as I thought I’d got him. I sighed, and moved forward, careful to step lightly and shine the light far enough in front of me where they wouldn’t get spooked.

The next worm I came to was really fat. What I didn’t realize was that they weren’t just out of their dirt for a nighttime stroll. As I grabbed it, I realized that the fat worm was really two worms getting it on in a patch of moss. As lovely as I’m sure worm… love is (ew!) I was pretty grossed out when, after getting a good grasp on them I found out it was a they. My uncle, who was my partner, was pretty thrilled by the mating. Said it would make it easier.

Gross. That’s the only thing that makes sense in that kind of situation. We ended up winning the competition, no help to me. I kept not getting a good enough hold on the speedy devils. As I walked in, my uncle mentioned to my brother that all he heard coming from me was a lot of sighs and “Stupid bug!” I then noticed something in my hand.

“Gross, the stupid worms pooped on me!”

“Yeah. Let’s just hope that’s what that is,” my uncle replied happily.

Who’s dying to go night crawler hunting tomorrow night now?

But I had to have one. At recess all of my friends would whip out their little Tamagotchi toys and would connect and be friends and try to keep them from dying. That’s all they talked about for about eight weeks. My Tamagotchi this, my Tamagotchi that. And then they discovered it was an online world too, which of course just built upon their obsessions.

My mom told me countless times that they were a waste of money (they were) and that she wouldn’t let me waste my money. As the Tamagotchi phase was growing to a close, she finally allowed me to purchase one with my birthday money from the previous year. Fourteen dollars for the piece of shit. It’s battery, this tiny little eight dollar thing, kept dying and I had to replace it constantly. I didn’t really mind at the time though. As the phase ended, I eventually ended up storing the dead-battery toy in a box which I recently re-discovered in my closet.

I thought of this when my mom mentioned a week ago that we were switching phone carriers. I remember how I wanted a really expensive, super new phone. Now it doesn’t seem that great. It doesn’t work well and “nobody” has it anymore. It’s just like the Tamagotchis. The phase came and went. So I’ve decided to buy a cheaper phone, and finally decided that switching to a trac phone company will be alright. In fact, better. The phone will call and text and I can use internet. I have an iPod Touch, nothing else is really necessary. And two years from now, I’d have been looking back and seeing just how ridiculous I was to blow all that money anyways. Maybe I can put that money to good use later in life.

Red. More of a fuchsia color, but in the sun it’s really red.

And not all of it, just two chunks, one on each side, however depending on how I part my hair it can have a decent sized red chunk on the left and smaller ones on the right. I really like it.

It’s permanent and my hair stylist (who’s awesome, mind you ) warned me that in the shower it would bleed pink pigment. She also warned me not to use a nice towel for a while, which I forgot about conveniently. Now my towel is bright pink.

School’s out. I’ll have more time for the website, more time for me, to relax, to be myself without the constant reminder that tomorrow everyone will be able to judge me. For five days, until a short break rolls around on Saturday. It doesn’t really seem like school’s out. Last year I missed the last few days of school and it seems like just another Saturday morning. Foggy, wet, parents stressed. Like on Monday I’ll be up at six a.m. to get to school. To learn. To worry about how terribly I’ve done in Algebra last week.

Speaking of algebra, I’m retaking it next year. Not because I’ve failed. I mostly spent all year struggling to maintain a C plus. It was an optional, advanced high school course that I figured I could handle. And maybe if I’d had the other teacher I would’ve passed with a better grade. But I didn’t. And my teacher didn’t teach very well. I’m not as advanced as some of the kids in that class. So I’m choosing to retake it. That way I won’t be struggling in Geometry and Algebra 2 in High school.

Respond to the following question: If I had a purple space monkey I would name it ____.
Most interesting answer gets plugged in my next blog
Au Revoir, my internet friends.
~Jess

The best thing in the world today is…
~Jess

I’m saying goodbye to middle school on Friday. Going on to high school, where it’s time to buckle down and get serious about life. Middle school has been such a journey. I went in with two best friends who I thought I’d be with forever. The three of us used to spend four days in a row together, jumping from each others’ houses and having fun. Now none of us talk to one another. One joined a popular crowd, the other focused on her singing and putting what’s left of her energy into being popular. Both of whose parents are divorcing.
And then there’s me.
The third friend who doesn’t know where she belongs. I’ve had a different group of friends each year, I realize now. I’m still on okay terms with my last group of friends. I feel sorry for them, though. They’ve become exactly what I never wanted to be and I’m okay with that now, I realize.

On the very first day of my sixth grade year (the first day of middle school) I got on the afternoon bus for the first time. After running around all of the buses, my cousin and I finally found the right one, just as it was pulling away from the school. There was one empty seat.
At the very back of the bus, where the high schoolers were all congregating.
After five minutes of hearing the worst language and screaming, we smelled smoke. Hesitantly, I turned my head. A thick line of smoke was rising from the kid behind me as he exhaled, a thin cigarette in his hand. I jerked my head around as he caught my eye and sunk low in my seat.
Near the end of my ride something wet smacked into the back of my head. I didn’t dare touch it to find out what it was. I knew it was spit in my hair. Coming from the elementary school bus where we were the top of the food chain, this didn’t make me too excited for the rest of my middle school experience. Now the bus is a haven. I almost like riding the bus. Plug in my headphones, crank up the volume, think and watch the trees fly by.
I’m saying goodbye to middle school Friday. And I think we’re all ready this time.
~Jess